So, tonight is gradutaion for the seniors, kinnna sucks for them because it's awful weather n it will probably be inside. I have to play though...social humiliation...lol i don't realy care much at all...really.
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I don't know im not as sad about this years class going as i was bout last years...Next year will be sad though...wow...way way too fast.
Bot finals back....din do tooooo awfully def could have been worse...consiidering what this year has been n stuff...m just glad i't over...i could have gotten all cs and it would have mattered..now nyway.
I think im going to eileens afterwards...n then tomorrow i have 3 fucking shows. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
they 're so silly, i mean really. but the dance is awsome n i really like the song so im glad to dance it! N then habitat..one of the two weekis in the summer i just don't relaly ever look forward to, (the other one being band camp) it's just dirty sweaty work with only one friend on the trip that doesn't annoy me (Heather) becaus heather never annoys me but some of the other ones....they're just soooooooo, soooooo...being that it's a christian group thing. They are all wondrefulpeople and i ove them all to death and we'll just end it there. But then i'ts nantucket and then DUKE!
Im way tooo excited! it's silly really but i can't wait just to be gone for that long is awsome but it's also with people i really like to be around and have fun with!
that reminds me hafta finish sam's bday gist..kinda slacked off there....so anyway i guess thas it for rightnow!
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ok...so where to begin! Everythn ws knna normal (and i of course use that term loosely) but relavtively things were...yeah...normal. And then i decided to try something new...Being that im a sucker for..do u wanna got out i like u...this new thing was Alex.
Now, i noticed some lil problems with the whole idea...(i odn't wanna say a difference in maturity..or lack there of) but it's just that, let's face it I have a LOT more mileage on me than him....and i think that i might have been just as hard for him as it was for me sometimes...i mean it must have been really hard to hear....stuff.
N i feel badly because he was probably the nicest guy i have ever gone out with....so i also worry how is he gonna make it through the big bad world next year wiht his eyes soo tightly closed...im sure he'll get through it though...all of his kind do..and im sure he'll grow up to be an even awsomer person, who gets a reslpectable job and gets married and has a lil family with a cat named peaches....but im completely off topic...
So while i was in this little la la world of o we're jus having fun and it's a completel y lax relationship n let's give him the benefit of the doubt...He fucking breaks up with me 2 hours after PROM!!!!!!!
I mean really after i went above and beyond to make his sr prom weekend to be just as he wanted it to be..he goes n breaks up with me...but i guess it's kinda good causeeveryone has to be dumped at least once in their life..so why not now...i was getting to cocky bout that kinna stuff any way...
I decided to finally execute my goal of swimming in the resevoir at night!
And i thoguht it maybe a good i dea to bring alex along jus to show that i was ok with everythin n to make sure he was..and he has a car and i thought he'd be a fun person to take...Wow i was def wrong!
So we park the car at angela's (a lil uncomfy for my taste..but whatever) borrow flashlights...and walk to the resevor...we jump (or in my 5 2 case climb)over the fence.
We was to a place where we could easinly get in...(the whole time he's like freaking out...but h'es funy when he's nervous....and i just am uncontrollably giggling..cause thats what i do when im a lil nervous.) i go in first and he reluctantly follows to get right backout....and being that im scared he'd jus leave me there i soon follow him out. we get dressed (wet legs r hard to put jeans back on to) and then we wak back. and it's never uncommfy really i mean we get a long all right...but i unno bout him. So yeah we get back to angelas n he reads a paper for her mom for a whole 30mins leaving e and angela to talk.
So we talked...and iam now pos that we r broken up and positive that anglea doesn't like alex as more than a friend....but not positive that alex doesn'tliek her as a friend.... not that it's any of my business...AT ALL! n then we talk bout the awkaward funny stuff n had a good laugh...n then we went home.
N im guessn thas i cause im pretty sure...that we're not keepn in touch...which is fine i guess..i unno haven't really thought bout it yet!
OKAY So it's over!!!! Finally i don't know what else to say! I really don't...But I am going to appreciate the hell out of normal life and just completely and totally live!!!! It sucks the way it came out n all but im relieved...(i almost swear im not lying bout that) the hospital wan't too bad..n who knows maybe waling up the stairs won't be as bad anymore lol! I CAN"T Wait till summer! AAAAAHHHH!
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Today i was talikng to sam on the phone and we realized that camp has been over for 8 months and that we will be back there in only 4 months! it's absolutely crazy how fast this year has gone...it is kinda sad...b/c so much of it was wasted on the crap stuff...but o well! Im kinda pissed cause i swore i was gonna not be home but here i am...and guess what... Im home! not only am i home but i am now going to have quality time wit my mother and father! and it's not their fault im uncomfortable with them. I just dunno with everything they still dn't know it gets me real uncomfortable...because what if it slips or i dunno...it's just different after the whole "ordeal"...people keep asking me are u ok?and im like yeah....im FINE but they don't believe me anymore and that really sucks 'cause im starting to not believe me either...usuallly im a good enough liar that i can convince me too...but it's not working as good anymore...ok that's it i think!
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Plus...let's face it im starting to show like crazy i mean..shit im a fuckig whale...i was joking around wiht kim about... "damn at least im not getting fat..." u know it was a good experiment though...like now i knoe how fat people feel...sooo many people stopped talking to me! im starting not to be able to fit in my own clothes...FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! (and i mean that in the nicest way) really, it just sucks....why couldn't we have found out sooner...then well then i could have... i unno...so now...it's just gonna be hard...but at least next year will be like trememdously awsome...because how could it get any worse!
And it's almost all over...and then everything will goback to the wasy it was...i think...i hoope.
Let's see.... heather helped me through this...jus cause i dunno...why not? Tomorrow;s Friday! Wooooo hoooooo!
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n im not grounded anymore, n the scuz ball is expelled, n i dunno i think that angela and i are friends again...maybe we always were! The dance thing is gonna be a lot of fun i think!
i guess this is gonna be it for tonight 'causse it's kinda late n i haveta get up early...but wow this is gonna be fun!